Keepers Pro-Schmo 2017-Results

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Keepers X 2017 got off to a rollicking start on Sunday with 46 members of the band sporting the Keepers Footjoy Fashions and participating in our annual Pro-Schmo.  All the regular culprits were there plus a few fresh faces as well as the kompetition heated up very quickly on the zoysia grass.

Howard “Been Holed Up In Rockville” Wollner teamed with Thomas Pieters on the way to shooting a seismic Net 58 to win the American Division.  In spite of his story of being kooped up with klient columns and rows the last month, there is reason to suspect he has making surreptitious visits to Swing-Tec for off season swing tuning.  Helping Thomas with a natural birdie on the sixth and then a 3-5-4-5 finish down the closing four, Howard skated home to a three-shot win in his division.

There was a four-way tie for second in the American at Net 61 with Len “Still Got Pimento Under My Fingernails” Goldman and Kootch, Steve “Smelled The Azaelas” Keller and Sergio, Artie “Didn’t Have My A Game Today” Aronoff and Brooks Koepka, and Keith “No Language Barrier Here” Eig and Hedeki Matsuyama.  Len and Steve apparently took advantage of some live face time with their Virtual Pards down at The Masters last week to enhance team performance.  Kaptin Keith used some recent A-Team play to ready his game and Artie was Artie just drummin’ out pars on the way to a fine finish.

In the National Division it was Herbie “True Shoes” Kushner with Sergio and Arnie “Can You Read The Bottom Line Please” Miller with Kootch shooting Net 61 to take their grouping top honors.  Drone footage shows an amazing natural birdie on 9 by Herbie as he slipped his hybrid approach up the green opening and rolled it to 5 feet.  His three natural pars in the inward half, including one on the long 18th, were critical in supporting Sergio’s first Keepers win.  Arnie played full Denny’s Grand Slam Beef Fry n’ Egg with Kuchar as he covered his partner’s three bad holes on 1, 3, and 9 with natural pars.

The three-way tie for third in the Nationals at Net 62 was a quasi Bundestag Slam  including Mark A. Goldstein and Martin Kaymer, Hamilton Loeb and Thomas Pieters, and Cary Reines and Martin Kaymer winning sweeps for the Motherland.  Hamilton and Cary are Keepers Freshman who apparently are anxious to mark their territory on the Keepers Kup leaderboard.

The Net Pars or Better Kash Game raised the first $430 toward The Keepers year-end military charity donation and paid out an equivalent amount to seven Keepers who led this kompetition.

Net Pars or Better Payouts:

1st  Len Goldman 22 Points  $120 kash

2nd Howard Wollner 21 Points $90 kash

3rd Keith Eig  20 Points $80 kash

T-4th  Arnie Miller and Paul Cohen 19 Points $50 kash each

T-6th  Phil Schulman and Artie Aronoff 18 Points $20 kash each

Thanks to all who  participated in support of this effort.

Howard Wollner-America Division Winner
Arnie Miller and Herbie Kushner-National Division Winners



(Click to see the Pro-Schmo Results and Prizing)

Keepers Kup Finale 2016-Results

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It has been eight years in the making but the Kommish, Moe Dweck, has validated his inaugural Keepers Kup victory from 2008 with a win of the 9th Keepers Kup Finale earning him a second book end Kopper Kup as the winner of the Year Long Keepers Kup Kompetition.

Shooting an impressive 80-Net 69 he tied with Ron “Where Have You Been All Year” Hirschel who shot 100-Net 69 for the Silver Kup as the co-winners of the Keepers Kup Finale today on the North Course.  Finishing third in the Finale was Arnie “20-20” Miller who shot 84-Net 70.


Moe was breathing rarefied air all day as he shot 39 on the front with a sweet birdie on 6 and then came home in 41 on the back with 6 pars against a couple of troublesome double bogies down the last three holes.  The putter was particularly sharp as he sunk three ten footers for par on 11, 12, and 14 taking only 31 putts on the day with no three-putts.

Hirschel had a bit of his own magic going after a middling 53 on the front, he came back with a strong 47 on the back including a clutch birdie to a very tough pin on 13 and a par-bogie finish on the last two holes to seal the deal.

For the Year Long Keepers Kup Kompetition itself, finishing second behind The Kommish was Neal “Lead Dog” Bobys followed by Rich “Searching For Chemical Balance” Greenberg in third and Marc “Iron Man” Birnbaum in fourth.   Len “The Plumber” Goldman’s net 71 was fourth in the Finale Event, helping him finish 5th in the Kup followed by Hirschel who moved from 30th to 6th in the standings with his showing today.  The 7th and 8th spot in the Final Kup Standings belonged to Howard “Stogie” Wollner and Steve “I Am Getting Used to 13” Keller respectively.

Final Kup Standings and Prizes:

1st  Moe Dweck   Net 69   1st Kopper Kup, T-1st Silver Kup, and $575 Kash Sweeps

2nd Neal Bobys   NP  2nd Kopper Kup and $350 Kash Sweeps

3rd Rich Greenberg  Net 76  3rd Kopper Kup and $250 Kash Sweeps

4th Marc Birnbaum  Net 75  $175 Kash Sweeps

5th Len Goldman  Net 71  $125 Kash Sweeps

6th Ron Hirschel  Net 69  T-1st Silver Kup and $175 Kash Sweeps

7th Howard Wollner  Net 75  $75 Kash Sweeps

8th Steve Keller  Net 72  $50 Kash Sweeps

Arnie Miller Net 70  $25 Kash Sweeps for 3rd in the Finale Event

(Click to see the full result sheet from today’s Keepers Kup Finale)

We raised another $645 through the generosity of those who participated in our 50/50 Raffle today to benefit our annual donation to the military charities.  There were four winning tickets picked by the lovely Susan, each winner took home $150 in cash.




The smiling Mish....he had goals this year!
The smiling Mish….he had goals this year!

Special thanks to Konn-Aire Farrel (a.k.a. Luis during soccer season) for his ardent hard work in handling The Keepers business all season.


Keepers Alternate Shot Series Final 2016 Results

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Scottish TamThis year’s Final Fore of the Keepers Alternate Shot Series pitted an eclectic group of pairings against each other in a round-robin three 9-hole series of matches on the North Course to determine our finest foursomes team for 2016.

Right out of the gate Marc “Feel The Burn” Birnbaum and Howard “Stogie” Wollner lit it up winning three of the first four holes on the way to a commanding 6 to 3 win in the morning match against the Cherner Automotive Team of Stewart and Herbie.

The other match in the first nine was a hard fought draw at 4.5 points each between the teams of John “Freaky” Friedson and Paul “Bam Bam” Cohen and Neal “Lead Dog” Bobys and Eddie “On His Game” Cohen.

Flipping matches for the second nine the tide turned quickly as Birnbaum-Wollner’s flint could not find it’s spark and their fortunes were reversed by the Bobys-Cohen team that ran the table winning holes 12 thru 16 on their way to a 6 to 3 romp.  The Automotive Group found their smooth idle and ground out a 5.5 to 3.5 win over Freaky-Bam-Bam winning 2 of the last 3 holes on the back.

The Cherners pondering the work left to be done in the final session
The Cherners pondering the work left to be done in the final session

With a break for some Gatorade and bananas after two rounds the score stood: 

Bobys-E. Cohen  10.5   Wollner-Birnbaum 9    Cherner-Cherner 8.5   Friedson-P. Cohen 8

The deciding nine was back on the front of the North and the Cherner Automotive-Bobys/E. Cohen match was a see-saw battle but the Cherners got the upper hand in the middle holes to build a 4 to 2 lead in the match.  A split on points over the last three holes was enough for the Cherners to win the match 5.5 to 3.5 and create a first place tie at 14 points with Neal and Eddie.

So it came down to whether Feel the Birn and Stogie could rediscover their mojo and find a way to get to 14 to reach a playoff.  Freaky and Bam-Bam would hear none of that.  They made 5 pars and a birdie on holes 2 through 8 to storm from the back of to pack with a 6.5 to 2.5 win and steal the top spot with 14.5 points.  Game-Set-Match to the Blues Brothers.

Nothing like drafting the field....Paul and John come from behind to win it all!
Nothing like drafting the field….Paul and John come from behind to win it all!

The final tally:

1st Place  Friedson-P. Cohen   14.5 Points    $150 Sweeps   150 Kup Points

T-2nd      Bobys- E. Cohen         14 Points        $90 Sweeps      90 Kup Points

Cherner-Cherner        14 Points        $90 Sweeps      90 Kup Points

4th          Birnbaum-Wollner     11.5 Points     $50 Sweeps       50 Kup Points


(Click to see the Alt Shot Series Final Scoresheet)

Congratulations to all four teams for their stellar Foursomes play through the Alternate Shot Series.  Special thanks to Konn-Aire Farrell for his adept administration of the Final Fore Matches.



Keepers Match Play-Battle Royale 2016

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Sign up to volunteer for the eventWith an expanded field of over 90 Keepers this year the Keepers Year-Long Match Play had three brackets of 32 guys playing over four months for their division title.  The Augusta, Oakmont, and Troon Bracket winners would go on to today’s Battle Royale Final to determine the Match Play Winner for 2o16.

In the bracket championship matches earlier this month, Mike “Looking For A Three-Peat” Fisher beat Rich “I Was A Contender” Sussman playing spectacular golf on the first nine holes on the way to a seemingly stressless victory in the Augusta Bracket.  The Oakmont Bracket winner was Len “The Plumber” Goldman winning a come-from-behind nail biter against Rich “Kojak” Greenberg.  Norman “I Got Some Game” Goldberg beat Moe “Mishner” Dweck with a rock steady performance to win the Troon Bracket.

The Battle Royale Final played on the South Course was a Three-Way 5-3-1 Match Format where the best net score on a hole earns the player 5 points, second best net score 3 points, and not so best net score 1 point.  Total points for the 18 holes is the Match Play Champion for 2016.  Significant Kash Sweeps, a trophy of some kind, and a bunch of Keepers Kup Points were on the line.

The Protagonists: Mike Fisher-Norman Goldberg-Len Goldman
The Championship Protagonists: Mike Fisher-Norman Goldberg-Len Goldman

Starting on the back of the South Len The Plumber made a par-net-birdie to get 5 points right out of the gate and set the tone for a torrid first nine.  This “Slaughter House Fives Nine” included five 5-point holes (wins) and three 4-point holes (pushes for win) on his way to 38 points.   This included an adept Otis Elevator pitch on 13 for par-net-birdie and two more Pelzian up-and-downs on 14 and 15 to build Len a 7-point lead.

Fisher and Goldberg just could not land a glove the whole side as Len won the last three holes on the outward nine to shoot 38 gross on his own ball and make the turn with a 15-point advantage.

But this “Almost Skins” Format is tricky when it comes to holding a lead since the permutations on any hole can result in sizable point swings.  After bogeying the first hole on the front, Looking For A Three-Peat Fisher started to find his game and reeled off seven pars in the next eight holes to apply the pressure as some doubt seemed to manifest itself in Len The Plumber’s swing.

A little root canal work for Len led to a 3-way push on the third
A little root canal work for Len led to a 3-way push on the third


Followed by a hanging chad on the wall's edge on four
Followed by a hanging chad on the wall’s edge on four for another push

Even though Norman’s game still seemed to play keep-away with him all day he had five timely ties with Mike on the second nine to split points that helped stem Fisher’s comeback advance.   Len just nodded approvingly.

This driving club was not Norman's best friend all day
This driving club was not Norman’s best friend all day

For Mike it was duel Roy Scheiders on 7 and 8 that proved the difference, when he uncharacteristically left two 25-footers to win the hole six dimples short in The Jaws of the cup.  You could hear the John Williams soundtrack emanating from the trees behind the 7th green.

Fisher treed on seven but not giving up
Fisher treed on seven but not giving up with the lead down to 7 points


It took 17 holes to get all three balls on the green in regulation at the same time
It took 17 holes and a panoramic view to get all three balls on the green in regulation at the same time

With a 4-point lead and a shot going his way up the last Len had only to make a four-footer for bogey to halve the hole and seal a 4-point win over the Defending Champion.

A gratifying Match Play win for the 2014 Keepers Kup Winner Len The Plumber
A gratifying Match Play win for the 2014 Keepers Kup Winner Len The Plumber


(Click to see the full Scoring Sheet from the 2016 Battle Royale)


The final spoils from this year’s Keepers Match Play were:

1st Place      Len Goldman  $300 Kash Sweeps and 600 Kup Points

2nd Place    Mike Fisher  $200 Kash Sweeps and 500 Kup Points

3rd Place     Norman Goldberg $100 Kash Sweeps and 450 Kup Points

Tied4th          Rich Sussman, Rich Greenberg, Moe Dweck $50 Kash Sweeps and 300 Kup Points




Keepers 4-Club 2016-Results

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4 club logoIn a brief respite from the summer frying pan 17 Keepers sauntered the front of the North yesterday with just 4 friends in hand in our annual 4-club event.  There was evidence of angst in the prep area as guys agonized over issues like….Driver or 3-wood…..Sand Iron…..Putter…????   But eventually they all got to the first tee with utmost confidence in their selections.

The conditions were ripe for scoring but the pressure of having to make up the 3/4 knockdown 7 iron from 115 mitigated against that.  Still the cream rose to the top as Rich “Steamed Kojak” Greenberg and Marc “I’ve Settled In For The Stretch Drive” Birnbaum were 1 and 2 with net 35 and 36 respectively.

The key was not letting the evil double bogie into the mix as both guys had net birdies to match their bogies the whole way.  Difference maker was Kojak’s 4 net 3 on the always difficult 8th hole-pin was back center on a Mount Rushmore side hill but that presented no problem for him.  Kojak got $100 in Kash Sweeps and Birnbaum $50 for their performances.

Five guys shot respectable 38’s to tie 3rd-Moe “Mishion Impossible” Dweck,  “Kaptin” Keith Eig, Sol “Hunter and Gatherin'” Gordon, Rich “It’s Getting Better” Sussman, and Howard “Stogie” Wollner.  Having to split the points and sweeps five ways did not do much to enhance the standings or sweeps positions of this group.

4 club results sheetThe win moved Kojak into 2nd position in his drive to a Two-Peat in the Keepers Kup race.  Mish, Stogie, and Birbaum are third through fifth at the moment drafting the leaders.

Keepers Beat The Pro 2016-Results

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PGA Baltusrol LogoThis year’s Beat The Pro Saturday Keepers pitted 34 Keepers against a bevy of Virtual Pro’s and their scores from the PGA Championship at Baltusrol last week.  Eight pro scores from 2 under to even par were chosen from Sunday’s final round and the Keepers used the proven Blind Email Random Selection Process to pick their opponents for today’s match.  The Keepers got 110% of their handicap on the South Course in a Stapleford Scoring event-they got 3 points for each hole where their net score beat their pro and 1 point for each hole they tied.

At the end of the day Jim “Where Is The Fairway” Polsky managed to up and downs from everywhere on his way to shooting an 81 and scoring 31 points to wax Bobby Hurley III and take top honors in the event.  Second went to Ron “You Still Got Room For Me” Edlavitch whose 30 points also bested Bobby Hurley III.  Sol “Where Have You Been” Gordon returned from a prolonged Keeper’s hiatus to beat Brooks Koepka with 28 points and take third place.  Fourth was last year’s Beat The Pro winner Eddie “I Really Like This Format” Cohen who had 27 points against Bobby Hurley III.  There were five guys who tied fifth with 26 points-Bill “#1” Artz, Dave “In The Money” Benson, Mark A. “Ma Man” Goldstein, Alan “The Hanging Judge” Levine, and Rich “Of Rich and Monica” Sussman.

Rumor has it that Billy Hurley III tried to skype in around 1 p.m. trying to press on all matches but couldn’t get a Wi-Fi connection.

The winner Jimmy Polsky and this support team
Today’s winner Jimmy Polsky and this support team

Beat The Pro Scoreboard

Beat The Pro Winnings:

1st Jim Polsky   300 Keepers Kup Points  $100 Kash Sweeps

2nd Ron Edlavitch 200 Keepers Kup Points $50 Kash Sweeps

3rd  Sol Gordon 150 Keepers Kup Points and $25 Kash Sweeps

4th Eddie Cohen 100 Keepers Kup Points

Tied 5th Bill Artz, Dave Benson, Mark A. Goldstein, Alan Levine, and Rich Sussman 25 Keepers Kup Points


The Players Pool Cash Game was our rigorous Low Net Nine which tally’s the guys net scores on the hardest 9 holes on the South (handicap holes 1 to 9).  Ron Edlavitch torched the field with a net 30 score to win first place money of $120.  Jimmy Polsky took second with net 34 to win $90.  Third money went to M.A. Goldstein with net 35 for $60 and fourth went to Marc Fleisher at 36 earning him $40 cash back.

Through the generosity of the 31 guys who participated in the Players Pool today we raised another $310 toward our year-end donation to the military charities.

Next Keepers event is a Thursday Night nine hole event on August 18th.  Keep an eye out for the e-mail announcement over the next few days.


Keepers Alternate Shot Series-Match 3 Results

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Scottish TamAfter taking almost six weeks to complete Match 2 seven matches were kontested last night in Match 3 to sift through the debris and determine which Alternate Shot Pairings would advance to the Final Fore in this year kompetition.

The standard of play was high for the teams in the mix for the top spots as three teams qualified with 22 points for the best two of three rounds with fourth place at 21.5.  It took at least 10.5 points in the final match to get over the top and qualify for the four team playoff later in August.

The team of Marc “Employment Move” Birnbaum and Howard “Stogie” Wollner had the luxury of throwing the feet up for the final match since they had a solid 22 points in their first two outings.  John “Freaky” Friedson and Paul “Bam Bam” Cohen showed no mercy on Bruce Charendoff and Ronnie “The Newlywed” Rosenberg scoring 10.5 points on their way to 22 points.

The Cherner Konglomerate of Herbie and Stewart thrashed Moe “Mishner” and Len The Plumber with a dominating 12.5 point performance which included a bushel full of clutch up-and-downs to tie for first with 22 points as well.   The final spot, after what seemed like an interminable wait against failing sunlight, went to Neal “Lead Dog” Bobys and Eddie “On Your Game” Cohen who outlasted Neal “Photo Flash” Freed and Alan “Terp Station” Schwartz for 10.5 points to get to 21.5.

The super-kool hardware that goes to the winners
The super-kool hardware that goes to the winners

The Final Fore will be a 27 hole three-match round robin affair where each of the final pairings play each other for 9 points in each match….most points when the grass clippings settle will own this cherished hardware.


(Click here to see the final standings in the Alternate Shot Series going into the playoff)